the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
