I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
