Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
