Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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