im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
