i already hear my dad disowning me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
