um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
