Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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