Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
