I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
