I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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