Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
