these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
