i may or may not be watching the land before time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
