its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
