Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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