she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
