i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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