I wannas sexs uuuuu
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
