What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
