Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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