Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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