Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
