Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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