she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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