4 words: hood of his car
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's blow job season.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
