sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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