HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
