I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
