My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
