He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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