Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
