There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
