Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
