Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
