I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
