My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
