Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Duck Duck Cougar?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
