He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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