they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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