OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
