You just made me feel so damn special
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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