I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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