so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just pee around me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
