Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
