Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
