Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
