So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
