is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
