is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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