Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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