I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
