At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
