just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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