Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
