Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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