the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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