i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dick very happy bro
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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