im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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