At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
