the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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