"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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