He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
