Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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