Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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