Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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