is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
