the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
