After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
