So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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