i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
