hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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